I had a really long blog here, but after reading through it, I realized I could sum it up in a couple paragraphs. Outside of places where you have no control over the people you're around (ex. work, church, public retail locations), if you're around someone and they don't make you smile as soon as you see them, ask yourself this question: "If this person was no longer in my life, would I care?" If the answer is no, it may be time for you to remove yourself from that person's social circle. If the answer is yes, make it known that you like/love this person and really appreciate him/her. There are certain folks in my life that I light up when I see them. I could hang out with them all day and never get tired of them (my mother, my grandfather and my four-legged, non-human friend Faith are at the top of this list). There are others who I don't necessarily see all the time, but even if we bump heads from time to time, I'm still happy to see them the next round. There are those who I'm totally crazy about but don't see enough (location is the only factor).
And then there are those who I cringe every time I see them no matter how long it's been since I last saw them or how far/close they live. So I stopped. You realize how very quickly your mood improves when you remove yourself from folks who make you miserable. Whether it's family you feel obligated to hang with because you share blood or friends because you grew up with them and used to be cool, the million dollar question is, "Do I want to be around you now?" If you don't, don't. If you do, do. And if you don't know, it might be time to have a talk with this person to see if you can at least improve the relationship so you can put him/her on that smile list. If it doesn't work, at least you can say you tried before you burned that bridge.
I have these random dreams that don't make any sense. There are others that I think are easy to interpret. Then there are dreams that I have that aren't supposed to make sense but prove that a person is on my mind. Sunday morning I had a dream about my great great aunt. She asked me to go shopping with her for a black skirt. Whenever I asked her why she needed it, she changed the subject. She didn't want any other relative to know we were shopping for this black skirt, just that she wanted it. We went to the mall, ignored phone calls and just shopped. I woke up, called my great great aunt, she was coughing and sounded completely drained on the phone. I put my hair in a ponytail, threw some clothes on and drove straight to her house. I spent my Sunday with her from around noon to 8 p.m.
1. Quality time with my great great aunt: The dream still doesn't make sense to me, but she was interested in hearing it. Not only that but she found it hysterical that I got locked out of her place after taking the garbage out and considered hopping the fence. Watching a 100-year-old woman slap her legs and bust up laughing for several minutes thinking of me climbing a fence was enough joy for me. To hear her on the phone, she sounded absolutely sick. As soon as I got there and for the next eight hours, she was grinning and cracking jokes the whole time. Making her laugh made me laugh and I did plenty of smiling, too. (Neither of us could figure out what the dream meant, but there was one time [in real life] we went shopping for two hours looking for green shoes. Maybe this mystery black skirt went with those green shoes.)
An apology is a complex thing that really shouldn't be all that confusing. You're wrong. You say, "I'm sorry," "I apologize," "My bad," or "My fault." The problem is that sometimes people apologize just to get you to shut up, apologize even though they don't think they're wrong or the person receiving the apology is determined never to believe you. Considering I still have a habit of thinking I'm usually right, I rarely if ever apologize to someone just to get them to shut up. Actually I can't remember ever doing that. I don't apologize if I'm not wrong either, but I have apologized if I thought I was right but hurt someone's feelings. Outspoken people tend to do those apologies a lot. But it's the apology that is being repeated again and again that I want to blog about. For those of you who know an apology is genuine but continue to throw it back in the person's face, be careful. You just may make that person get to the point where they simply couldn't give a damn about you or the apology anymore.
1) Celebrating my great great aunt's 100th birthday: Although she has a habit of "I'm old. I'll say anything I want" and we both have very strong personalities, I love her. I asked for Feb. 8 off to make sure I was there the morning of her birthday. I can count on one hand the number of people that I'd go to breakfast with at 8 a.m. after being at work from 6 p.m. to 2 a.m., but I was up. My mother and I took her to breakfast and then my great great aunt talked me into coming back for a senior citizen party she had at 3 p.m. By the time I went home, I was good and delirious, but it was worth it.
2) Talking my grandfather into coming to my great great aunt's party: Before he was married, he would hit up every "tavern" from Hawaii to Chicago. He'd traveled to so may locations around the world that his map of tacks were crammed together. But at 88, a party animal he is not. I can get him to go to China Hut and occasionally we'll go shopping, but he's not the type to be at big group events excluding his own family reunion. However, he said "yes" to coming with me to her 3 p.m. party. And let me tell you my grandfather is the best date ever! I was glued to his hip the entire time, and we were over on the side cracking jokes and having a good time eating chocolate cake and ice cream. My great great aunt did some mild flirting with him, too, and he threw it back at her. Those two! Wow!
The reason I liked doing the " Five things I'm digging right now" was because it forced me to find the "bright side" of something. I need to do that more often and thought that was a cool way of doing it (original idea courtesy of Andy Cohen). So in the same spirit of it and since I'm done with that for 2011, I'm going to do a list of 365 things I've been digging all year. They're not in order, just the first things that pop into my head that I liked the entire year. (I started today as of 2:30 p.m. I finished on 12/31/11 at 10:38 p.m., in between running errands. HAPPY (almost) NEW YEAR!) BOOKS1. "The John Carlos Story" by John Carlos 2. "Is Marriage for White People? How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone" by Ralph Richard Banks3. "The Vampire Diaries" (Stefan's Diaries only)4. "There Are No Children Here: The Story of Two Boys Growing Up in The Other America" by Alex Kotlowitz 5. "The Conversation" by Hill Harper6. "Michelle Obama: The First Lady in Photographs" by Deborah Willis and Emily Bernard7. "Change for a Twenty" (I genuinely enjoy my own books)8. "Round Trip" (I've said repeatedly it's better than "Change for a Twenty")9. "Love Your Life" by The Oprah MagazineCHICAGO (SURROUNDING AREA)1. Looking out the window on the #147 CTA bus at Lake Michigan 2. Walking the four-mile trail at Skokie Northshore Channel3. Walking the two-mile trail at Lincolnwood Channel Runne Park4. Quench! restaurant on 79th (Pretty inside with a seating area)5. Chi Tung6. Chicago Public Library7. The New 400 Theater8. RCN (cable)EYE CANDY1. Ian Somerhalder2. Taylor Lautner (Facial hair compliments him; his athleticism makes him breathtaking) 3. Idris Elba (No matter how many times " Daddy's Little Girls" comes on, I watch it) 4. T.I.5. Chris Brown (He's growing up to be really handsome)6. Morris Chestnut7. Justin Timberlake 8. Brad Paisley (Dated a guy who looked exactly like a light-skinned black version of him; started heavily listening to country music from November to December)9. Paul Walker10. Alex Meraz (very good-looking in person)11. Ian Ziering (Didn't pay much attention to him on "90210" but when I saw him at Comic Con last year I was so surprised at how gorgeous he is. Age has done him well!)12. Trey Songz (Super friendly and as attractive in person as he is on his videos) 13. Joseph Morgan (Klaus from "The Vampire Diaries")14. The guy who lost his balance on the Red Line and fell on me (woke me RIGHT up, and his outfit was impeccable; I couldn't stop checking him out)15. Drake16. Richard Gere (He looks better with age, don't know how he does it)17. Tone Kapone (Don't listen to the radio much but I saw him at the 2012 Real Men Cook and the Sprite StepOff a couple years ago. He's really cute and I never knew what he looked like before.)18. Q-Tip19. Evan Ross20. Obie Trice (He's underrated in the hip-hop game and my gawd, THOSE LIPS! Every video I see with him in it, I look at his lips 75% of the time. He's kiss-worthy.)FASHION1. Multi-colored shell bracelet from Queen Ka'ahumanu Center in Maui 2. Ralph Lauren Polo Jeans Co. orange fleece3. Light yellow zip-up sweater4. Gray suede/sweater heel boots5. Brown suede/sweater heel boots6. Black sweater flat boots7. Black cape with gray lining8. Baby blue top with brown afro woman silhouette9. Multi-brown shades wooden bracelet from Maui10. Black hematite bracelet from The African Store (located in Ford City) 11. Kohl's shopping (When there's a coupon, I never leave empty handed.) 12. NY & CO shopping (Sale or not, I never leave empty handed.) FOOD1. Archer Farms salt and vinegar chips2. Thai tofu fried rice from China Hut3. Kona Hawaiian Blend Micro-Roasted Coffee (drank it every morning) 4. Gardein stuffed turk'y5. Gardein Mandarin orange crispy chick'n6. Chocolate martinis at Olive Garden7. Salad dressing from Olive Garden8. Mushroom ravioli from Olive Garden9. Fresh bread from Olive Garden10. Water with a splash of lemon juice11. Avocado slices with tomato slices12. Tortilla chips13. Granola, fruit and yogurt plate from IHOP14. Hot water cornbread15. Black eyed peas (vegetarian)16. Collard greens (vegetarian)17. Macaroni and cheese (my mother's)18. Dried apricots19. Archer Farms dark chocolate cocoa mix20. Open Nature's Dark Chocolate Hazelnut Heaven (granola mix)21. Green tea22. Brown tea with lemon juice and honey23. Grapefruit juice24. Grapefruits25. Red apples26. Strawberries27. Bananas28. Strawberry banana smoothies29. McDonald's iced coffee (light ice, light sugar)30. McDonald's Filet o' Fish (the only fish I can handle eating for Omega 3)31. Starbucks hot chocolate32. Argo Tea iced coffee33. Corn on the cob34. Mashed potatoes from Ruby Tuesday's35. Simply Asia Spring Noodles bowl36. Watermelon37. Green grapes38. Red grapesFRAGRANCES1. Fergie's "Outspoken"2. Lady Speed Stick "Fresh Infusions"3. Cool Water4. Victoria's Secret "Heavenly" (original fragrance) HAIR1. Vitale Olive Oil relaxer2. Parnevu leave-in conditioner3. Silk wrap caps4. Pantene shampoo for women of color5. Pantene conditioner for women of color6. Distinctly Basics by Rachel Rose black ponytail holders7. My haircut from Donte's on 9/17/2011 (thanks Francine!) HEALTH1. Doing Beyonce's "Let's Move" routine for 30 days2. Swimming laps in the Maui Seaside Hotel pool3. Renewing my membership and working out at Bally Total Fitness (now L.A. Fitness)4. The results from my yearly physical (everything is tip-top, minus weight)5. Logging at least four workouts per week on TeamBeachBody6. Julie's Health Club blogs7. Chicago Tribune's Health page 8. LA Times Booster Shots 9. Updating @BlackHealthNews on Twitter 10. "Mistletoe may help kiss away some ills" article (fascinating because I only knot about it for kissing) 11. "Muscling past myths" (It forces me to get up more at work)HOME APPLIANCES1. Breville BEW600XL Hot Wok 2. Brother MFC-440CN multi-printer3. Insignia 26" LCD TV 720P4. Full-size bed5. All 18 pillows on my bed6. Labrador Retriever comforter with pillows on my bedHOME DECOR1. Looking at Halloween decorations2. Black couple embracing and kissing (painting above my bed)3. Ebony cover of Marvin Gaye about "black cool"4. N'Digo cover of Pres. Barack Obama (Nov. 13-2008)5. Mos Def photograph of him sticking out his tongue while in a car driver's seat6. Wall photograph jewelry boxMEMORIES 1. Watching my 99-year-old Aunt Marguerite open her Christmas photo calendar 2. Solo travel to Maui to do what I wanted to do 100% of the time 3. Spa day in Maui (pedicure, manicure, head/back/shoulder/foot massage) 4. Going to Chi Tung with Grandad 5. Getting the surprise fruit basket on Christmas Eve delivered from my godfather 6. Having my mother home this Christmas, healthy and happy 7. Posing for photograph on the porch with Faith nuzzling my chin 8. Posing for photograph on the porch with Faith "smiling" and leaning by my face 9. Crying laughing about the health club story with Darcel 10. Kendell calling me up at work to invite me to his high school graduation 11. Watching Kendell walk across the stage for graduation (super proud of him) 12. Hanging with Mom, Dad and Grandad at Real Men Cook for Father's Day 13. Going to the midnight release of " Twilight: Breaking Dawn" with my mom 14. Walking Faith (I do it 99% of the time when I'm at my parents' house) 15. Cracking jokes and chatting about entertainment with Yonnie and Kendell 16. Seeing what's new and strange in the world of Crosley (sp?) 17. Chit-chatting with Mom in Olive Garden18. Hanging with Mom at Ruby Tuesday's and checking out our forgetful waiter19. Photograph of my mother and my godfather trying to look hip-hop (LMAO)20. Close-up photograph of Grandad and I at Real Men Cook21. Photograph of my mother and I on my 29th birthday with her leaning on me22. Seeing my op/ed tattoo piece on page 2 of the Chicago Tribune23. Posing for a bunch of family photos with my brother, mother, grandfather and father on Thanksgiving 201124. Getting a 365-day dog calendar from my mother, who knows I really want a dog25. Mild flirting at the health club (may not amount to anything but it was inspiration to work out when I first joined)26. Clearing snow away with a bucket because I don't own a shovel (my grandfather loves this story)27. Working from home for two days after Feb. 2, 2011 snowstorm28. My grandfather and father dancing in front of a crowd at Real Men Cook 201129. Fifth tattoo, fourth cover-up, love my roses (thanks Bobby Sax!)30. Dragging Fernie around to take the holiday photo for the Chicago Tribune31. Xephon adding me as a Facebook friend (very flattered by that)32. Dad calling me up to tell me how he wouldn't participate in Earth Hour33. Me taking Dad's call (#32) as an invitation to bumrush their house and unplug everything; he and I talked for an hour and a half in the dark34. Going through my letter box, reading all the letters and cards I got from family and friends while I was in collegeMOVIES1. "Hachi"2. "Eight Below"3. "No Strings Attached"4. "Friends With Benefits"5. "Always Outnumbered, Always Outgunned"6. "Tongue Untied" Wanda Sykes comedy7. "Higher Learning"8. " Daddy's Little Girls" 9. "Something New"10. "10 Things I Hate About You"11. "New Moon"12. "Twilight"13: "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"14. "Sleepers"15. "The Client"16. "Runaway Bride"17. "Iron Man"18. "Iron Man 2"19. "Transformers"20. "Jumping the Broom"21. "Never Say Never" (The shoveling scene is my favorite; Justin Bieber is eye candy but I just felt too much like a cougar putting him there until he's legal)22. "Happy New Year, Charlie Brown"23. "Losers"24. "Gran Torino"25. "Beats, Rhymes & Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest" MUSIC ( singles and artists) 1. " Prototype" by Andre 3000 2. " Cockiness" by Rihanna 3. Rihanna's " Loud" CD 4. " The Noose" by Tech N9Ne 5. The " 99 Problems" remix in the movie " No Strings Attached" 6. Mos Def (everything) 7. " In the Morning" by Drake and J. Cole 8. " Can't Get Enough" by J. Cole 9. " 5 o' clock" by T-Pain 10. " Nuthin'" by T-Pain 11. " Default Picture" by T-Pain 12. " Momma Told Me" by Crystal Waters 13. "Pretty Little Heart" by Robin Thicke14. "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO15. "Birthday Cake" by Rihanna16. "Take Care" by Drake17. "Stay" by Tyrese18. "Syllables" by Eminem, Jay-Z, 50 Cent19. Obie Trice (everything) 20. Crystal Waters (everything) 21. Chris Brown (everything) 22. Rihanna (everything) 23. "Love Calls" by Kem24. "I Can't Stop Loving You" by Kem25. "I Like It" by Debarge family 26. "Perfect Day" by Jim Jones27. "Should've Kissed You" by Chris Brown28. "Dancing in the Dark" by Dev29. "Otis" by Jay-Z and Kanye West30. "Marry You" by Bruno Mars31. "Someone to Love Me" by Mary J. Blige, Diddy32. "All This Love" by Debarge33. "Love Me in a Special Way" by Debarge34. "Say Something" by Timbaland35. Drake (everything)36. "Complicated" by Robin Thicke37. "Lost Without You" by Robin Thicke38. "Pretty Young Thing" by Michael Jackson39. "Strangers in Moscow" by Michael Jackson40. "I'm Only Human" by Luther Vandross41. "Love Her Like She's Leavin'" by Brad Paisley42. "Somethin' 'Bout a Truck" by Kip Moore43. Afroflow (everything)44. "Woo" by Erykah Badu45. "Bag Lady" by Erykah Badu (Dr. Dre remix)46. Big Daddy Kane (everything) 47. "Got My Country On" by Chris Cagle 48. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin49. "Like We Never Said Goodbye" by Clay Walker50. "Better Than I Used to Be" by Tim McGraw51. "Radio" by Musiq Soulchild52. "Smack That" by Akon 53. "Back to Life" by Andrea Lewis54. "Run the World" by Beyonce55. "Motivation" by Kelly Rowland56. "Deuces" by Chris Brown57. "Look at Me Now" by Chris Brown58. "Fallin' Down" by Chris Brown59. "Cruisin'" by D'Angelo60. "Sergeant Louise" by Donnell Jones61. "Marvin's Room" by Drake62. "Doing it Wrong" by Drake63. "Show Me a Good Time" by Drake64. "Find Your Love" by Drake65. "Mahogany" by Eric B. and Rakim66. "Head to Toe" by Eric Roberson67. "Softest Lips" by Eric Roberson68. "U R the One" by Mos Def69. "The Panties" by Mos Def70. "Kiss Me on My Neck" by Erykah Badu71. "I Want You" by Erykah Badu72. "Collard Greens and Cornbread" by Fantasia73. "1, 2, 3" by Field Mob74. "Best Night of My Life" by Jamie Foxx75. "Yep Dat's Me" by Jamie Foxx76. "She Got Her Own" by Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo77. Andre 3000 (everything)78. "Raindrops" by Jeremih79. "Leavin'" by Jesse McCartney80. "Ordinary People" by John Legend81. "I Ain't Going Out" by Jon B.82. "Pretty Girl" by Jon B.83. "What Goes Around Comes Around" by Justin Timberlake84. "Runaway" by Kanye West85. "Where Would I Be" by Kindred Family86. "Paris Tokyo" by Lupe Fiasco87. "The Show Goes On" by Lupe Fiasco88. "Human Nature" by Michael Jackson89. "Butterflies" by Michael Jackson90. "Smile" by Justin BieberNEWS1. Reading Clarence Page's column " Page's Page" 2. Reading Jon Yates' "What's Your Problem?"OBJECTS1. My birthday card from Dad, who wrote his own entries on the inside about the truth and myths of being 302. Mumble stuffed penguin (from "Happy Feet 2")3. Charlie Brown musical stuffed decoration4. Elementary school graduation photos of Xakir (super handsome nephew!) PEOPLE/ MANNERISMS1. People who hold doors for the people behind them2. Women who think nothing of complimenting other women (no cattiness)3. Men who know "hello/how are you?" go much further than pick-up lines4. People who try to learn how to pronounce my name and don't give me unsolicited nicknames 5. People who say "let's go to lunch" and follow through with their plans to do soPOLITICS1. The troops coming home from Iraq2. First Lady Michelle Obama's "Let's Move" campaign3. The Obamas' new family photoSKIN CARE1. Aloe vera (everything from first-aid products to lotion)2. Cocoa butter (everything from lotion to soap)3. Vaseline cocoa butter lotion4. Vaseline cocoa butter petroleum jelly5. Suave cocoa butter with shea6. Palmer's cocoa butter formula with Vitamin ETECHNOLOGY1. AmazonBasics 3-Button USB Wired Mouse 2. Smoke Silicone Skin case for my mp3 player3. Insignia Pilot mp3 player4. Kevin Hart's YouTube Channel5. Following @OchoCinco on Twitter 6. TiVo7. TiVo's website to record stuff when I'm not at homeTELEVISION1. " Whitney" 2. "The Vampire Diaries"3. Timbaland special on E! Entertainment4. Kathy Griffin's reenactment of her dog eating a used condom (hilarious!)5. BET Hip Hop performance with Heavy D doing "Nuttin' But Love"6. Somaya and X.O. scenes on "Love & Hip-Hop"7. Open mic night with Kyle doing scat music on "Living Single"8. Rudy meeting Stanley on "The Cosby Show"9. "The New Adventures of Old Christine"10. The "you lost to a girl" scene in "The New Adventures of Old Christine"TRAVEL1. Maui Mall (walked over there every day for five days) 2. Maui Seaside Hotel 3. West Maui Mountains4. Riding the Sugar Cane Train in Maui5. Writing for Chicago Tribune's Taking Off blog6. O'Hare Airport (never appreciated how great it is until I compared it to LAX)7. Maroon blankets that American Airlines give you for flying to Hawaii8. American Airlines for giving me an extra 2 days free of charge after late flight9. Yotel's Times Square in-airport cabins for overnight sleeping (cool idea, haven't used them but would have that time I had to sleep overnight in LAX, click here for more)10. Celebrity travel with Sinbad11. Celebrity travel with Larenz Tate12. Updating the Trib's Hawaii travel story galleryTURN-ONS (physical)1. Goatees 2. Caesar haircuts3. Khakis/jeans that are loose but sit on the waist4. Shades of smooth brown complexions (from buttercup to dark chocolate)5. Clean fingernails6. Direct eye contact7. Carefree, white teeth smiles8. Slim-to-medium muscular build9. Tall in height (although I've dated guys between 5'8 and 5'11 who were just as attractive)11. Holding a bookTURN-ONS (mental)1. Bookworms 2. Voters (in all elections, not just presidential) 3. Direct requests for dates (no b.s.-ing around) 4. Making money only in a legal way5. Paying bills on time6. Having your own place, with your name on the lease/mortgageWEBSITES:1. SoulVegFolk.com2. BlackMusicTube.com3. TeamBeachBody.com4. AOL's Listening Party5. AOL Radio6. Chicago Tribune7. Luis Gomez's "About Last Night"8. Twitter9. Jaehakim.comWORK1. Meeting the MoD team (some of the Breaking News team are very entertaining to work with)2. Working with Colin (He's one of the coolest bosses I've ever had; he means business but he "gets" my personality)3. Keeping in touch with my old bosses Sonja and Ruth (two other bosses I have nothing but good things to say about and still touch bases with to this day)4. Going to lunch with Darcel (great person to vent and laugh with) 5. Going to lunch with Fernie (she's always got jokes) 6. Argo Tea Iced Coffee from Charlie to thank me for training him (nice surprise)7. Training Charlie and Lauren when they were new (MoD team members both really cool people)8. Trading dog stories with Molly (both of us are hardcore dog lovers)9. Working with Danielle G. (She's always helpful since the day I started)10. Working with Mike Z. (If I need a photo, he's got it. One of my favorite folks at the Trib for being so easy to work with.)11. Chatting with Pam (Easy to work with, even easier to chat about everything from family to why we hate pants with words on the butt)12. Creating and updating the "Relationship & Sex News Gallery" (Interesting and educational topic that people need to be informed about, especially STIs/STDs)13. Working with Gilda Squire of Gilda Squire Media Relations again. She is one of the most professional publicists I've met, and I've worked with quite a few publicists.YOUTUBE VIDEOS1. "Puppy Christmas" 2. The last two boys on "I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy"3. Halloween light show to "Party Rock"4. "Rethink Breast Cancer presents 'Your Man Reminder'"5. Ian Somerhalder with Aisha Tyler on "The Late Late Show"6. Tahj Mowry singing John Legend's "Ordinary People"7. Tahj Mowry singing Michael Jackson's "Human Nature"
What's up, all? Hope you're enjoying your Sunday. So let's get right into my "Five things I'm digging right now."
1. Assertive men: This is one I don't think I've ever appreciated nor did I think I'd ever think it was something I'd dig. But recently I've observed two types of guys--the ones that make it plain, "Yeah, I like you. Let's go out" and the other, "Let me just keep making idle chitchat and mildly flirting but not really doing anything about it." There are two ways to look at the second guy--either he's just trying to pass time when he sees you or he's shy. Either way it goes, this guy is annoying and a waste of time. I know it's difficult to approach someone with the possible chance of being shot down, but then I observed the other guy. The one who walks right up to you, asks if you're single, says he wants to go out, tells you what he likes about you and stands there with the "So what you gonna do?" face. He does everything but take your cell from you and put his number in it because he just knows you'll call. I love that guy. That type of confidence cracks me up. Even when you're not interested in him, he still has the "your loss" look on his face, and you can't do anything but respect him because that cat is going to find what he's looking for, whether it's you or someone else. I can't be mad at that. Now does this guy have the suspicious signs of a player? Yes. But he also has the same cockiness most attractive women do, the kind that says, "I'm worth it. I love me. I think I'm fun to be around, and you should, too. Now let's share some time together." Meanwhile the other guy is pussyfooting around. I shake off the shy ones. It's a turn-off.
I'm back with my new favs. I missed last week so this is once again my " Five things I'm digging right now" times two. 1. "In the morning" by Drake and J-Cole: I like listening to this song every morning. J-Cole can get kinda vulgar on his album, but I like the edited version of his music and that groggy voice Drake is doing is sexy as all hell. I listen to this every morning on my way to work at least three times straight. 2. Rihanna's new CD "Talk That Talk": I could do without Jay-Z's verse, but other than that, this is a solid CD and so was her last one. I'm a late fan, but she's very talented. It just took me some time to get used to her voice. 3. Quench!: I don't recall whether I've mentioned them before, but I'm a loyal supporter of this restaurant chain. I go whenever I'm on the south side, and I went to the 79th street location for the first time. It's nice, and you can sit down. The workers are always polite, too. I highly recommend the soy veggie wrap (spicy). The veggie melt is good, too.
I like this show "Tough Love" because it points out dating flaws. It's fun to watch and I can usually detect my own flaws (or perks) in the dating world. Anyway, tonight's episode focused on dating deal breakers and some of the stuff the women chose was fascinating because they got to watch a crowd of men stand up or sit down depending on which criteria they met. Some women were left with 8%-10% of the audience because they were so picky.
This made me think of a BlackPlanet account I had a few years ago. I wrote down 35 do's and 35 don'ts about the type of guy I like. Crazy thing is while it was my opinion, I got message after message from guys either complaining about my list or telling me I needed to bend on it. At the time, I didn't understand why anybody who didn't fit my list would even bother contacting me. Don't fit it? Move on. But the most sobering reaction was that I did talk to a guy from BlackPlanet who did fit a bunch of my requirements and had a couple of my cons, dated him, and he turned out to be the absolute worst boyfriend I've ever had. What did that teach me? Narrow down your requirements to things that truly matter to your morals, calm down on the superficial stuff, and don't budge when you realize you two aren't compatible. I learned so much from that relationship, and as much as I cringe about it today, the bonus side was I used that experience and got so much inspiration in writing. While the relationship was the worst, my career was going way better. So sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.
And sometimes the guy who fits your requirements still may be Mr. Wrong (or in my case Mr. DudeYouretheWorstEver). Anywho, with that said, I'm going to use my "Five things I'm digging right now" I missed from last week and this week to list 10 things I dig in guys I've dated/currently date at this very moment. They aren't the same superficial things I listed a few years back and these things weed out a lot of my cons by default. So anyway, here we go:
10 dating deals/requirements I'm digging right now:
Two of my favorite songs to get motivated are Mos Def's "There is a way" and Outkast's "The Whole World." I'm adding this little girl Ryan to my list. The song is catchy, she's adorable and I love her message. I dare you not to sing along. We could all use a little bit of motivation (yeah, I'm digging Kelly's song, too) wherever we go so "don't stop, don't give up...keep trying."
I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker about surveys that ask for race. She said it shouldn't matter and she usually will put "Other" so she doesn't have to answer. I got where she was going with it; people shouldn't classify your responses based on race. I can't say I agree though. We jokingly talked about how I would not only check the "African-American" box but would put a grinning photo of myself next to it to make sure they know I am. Although I laughed, I'd have absolutely no problems doing it. I am as proud to be black as I am to be a woman as I am to tell my age, my political affiliation and even my religious affiliation (although I do tend to hesitate with religion because I know my response will more than likely turn into an argument, specifically within the African-American community who is heavily religious). For the record, I'm 29, black, female, lean more towards Independent than Democrat (and I've voted for Republican and Green party candidates but mainly for Democrats) and I'm agnostic.
So why is this stuff important? Who do surveys care? Why is it any of their business? And why do I always do surveys in person or via phone whenever anyone asks me to. My main reasons are because of my background: I took several psychology courses in college and I used to work for a radio research firm in high school. I realized how quickly people's opinions sway companies and studies.
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